One thing that I have {regrettably} seen more than my share of amongst those in the ministry lately is bitterness.
I have one thing to say about it….okay more than one (a whole blog post dedicated to it, but one thing for sure). Bitterness has NO place in the ministry.
bit·ter·ness
noun /ˈbitərnis/ |
Anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment
Whether you’re the pastor’s wife, Sunday School teacher, choir director, driver for the bus ministry, secretary, door greeter, or lay member; whatever your role may be, you cannot thrive in your relationship with the Lord or your ministry if you’re carrying the weight of bitter feelings around with you.
So you feel justified in your bitterness:
- You were mistreated?
- You were talked about?
- You were lied on?
- You were cheated?
- Someone left your church in search of a new one?
These are all reasons I’ve seen people in the church get upset and harbor bad feelings towards their ‘brothers and sisters’ in Christ.
Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” ~KJV
Have we not read the life of Jesus and how He was treated? If He didn’t let bitter feelings choke out His joy then why should we? He was Jesus and He could handle it, right? He also lived an example for us to follow. To consider ourselves Christians is simply to be Christ-like.
As minister’s wives it is so easy to get upset when our husband is done wrong by someone in the church and even easier to want revenge! If you haven’t been in the ministry long enough for this to take place, stick around! It’s bound to happen.
We love our husbands and we know their heart for the ministry and for the people in the church. We see the countless hours they spend in prayer and Bible reading. We see the sacrifice they make. It breaks our hearts when they hurt. We want to retaliate by showing a bad attitude to those that have wronged us. The problem with this is that your accuser has gone on with their lives and you are the one left to feel the bitter sting of reality. The reality is you haven’t prayed through your feelings and sincerely asked the Lord to forgive your enemy; as well as yourself for the feelings you shouldn’t have let take place.
It's okay to get upset. It's even okay to get mad! The Bible says to be ye angry and sin not. The sin is not taking care of these feelings properly. The sin is cultivating these feeling and letting them grow into something bigger than they were intended to become.
Proverbs 16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” ~KJV
Many times we have bitter feelings towards someone without knowing admitting it. We have to admit our faults in order to move past them.
How can you determine if you have bitter feelings towards someone?
- Are you jealous of the individual and their accomplishments?
- Do you {secretly} desire to see the individual fail rather than prosper?
- Do you dread running into the individual in public?
- Do you let the voicemail pick up rather than answering their phone call?
- Do you feel as if everything they do or say is directed towards you?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions in regards to an individual in your life, I challenge you to pray and work through your feelings. If possible, try and work out the problem with the individual to make things right. You’ll feel so much better to be released from the baggage you’re carrying.
How have you addressed such problems in the past? What was the outcome?
I'm linking up at: The Five of Mine, The Better Mom, Growing Home ,Women Living Well, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, Our Simple Country Life
10 comments:
Oh what a difference this could have made for me only 18 months ago!
I see this often among those active in church leadership. The temptation is great to feel abused when not enough support is offered, or responsibility piles up. Emotions run high and rash words are spoken. This is a great admonishment to keep God first in everything...and not cater to our pride or sense of justice!
Bitterness is like cancer. When you get the disease it is fatal unless treated by THE Doctor. It negatively affects all those around you without you even realizing it. Even strangers can tell and may walk away with a "Wow! That lady sure has a sour attitude and is biter!" Thanks for an awesome post today reminding us to not let bitterness take root in our lives!
This is such an important topic. My husband was just ministering to our family this morning about how if we love the law of the Lord we will not be easily offended because we will see our own fallen nature and how much we have been forgiven. It is not always easy. Anybody in leadership will experience injustice. Our response can change the course of our future. Thanks for sharing.
Good for you for addressing this important topic! As you say, if hurt hasn't already come to your family by way of a churchmember, then just hang on! Sometimes Sheep bite! But man, there's still no other life that I'd rather have - God so blesses us as we serve Him!
Great post. So true! I've seen families and churches torn apart because of the disease known as bitterness! It's so important NOT to let it in at all because a tiny seed takes hold and before you know it the damage has been done. Best to evaluate often rather than wait until there's a problem that need's dealt with! Thank you so much!
Bitterness is a dangerous thing! You are so right! The church should not be a place where this is seen, that is why it is so important to be open and vulnerable and share our feelings if we have been hurt or wronged...along with asking for forgiveness if necessary.
I am a pastor's wife too. Stop by my blog when you get a chance :)
Dear Mrs. ____ (Heather),
I admire you so much--thank you for sharing with us....I glean from your posts...and pray that the Lord will remind me of them in the years to come if I am ever a pastor's wife...or if I'm not. :) Thank you so much!
Many Blessings,
~Melanie
just stopping by to say hello! Have a blessed day! Love, Traci
Heather, I love to be reminded and have a moment to check my heart and spirit in this area. It is never a waste of time to have a clear conscience and prevent that bitter root. good advice for family, too (not just ministry) :) Happy VD to you!!
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